| Welcome Series called Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships Many are interested in this topic for many reasons. Maybe you are married and want more out of it Maybe you not married and want to know how to find the right person OR maybe it is more serious and you fall into one of these categories… @ A Chinese lady who told me she never wants to have a boyfriend – because she is scared. She said she does not know how to “do dating.” @ A Chinese man who says in China a marriage is water or wine. Wine is exciting. Water is just necessary. He says his marriage is water. @ Recently returned to her home town. She had been in Shanghai – trying to start a new life… but after 3 years of trying to meet and date people she has given up. She is returning home to marry a man her parents arranged – someone she does not know or love. @ Someone else we know. She got married at 26. And the man changed. He had a violent temper and beat her. She is now divorced and lives with her Mom. Her trust in men is damaged. No one wants a broken heart And God doesn’t want you to have a broken heart either Because God is Love – He has made us to love He wants you to have relationship that is built on true love, where you can build a lasting relationship, and [in marriage] have true and beautiful sex. This course is designed to help you achieve this Q: What are most of the people in the world looking for? LOVE [Genuine and long-lasting] o TV, books, magazines, internet, etc o Over and over people are searching for love - Are people finding love [Genuine and long lasting] - How can this be? - What can we conclude? o Looking in the wrong place - Where are we looking? o TV, books, magazines, internet, etc o “Hollywood.” This Lesson we will compare 2 models of Love and Relationships Hollywood Model vs God’s Model Not the same – exact opposite Hollywood Model - Step 1: FIND the right person o That means you have to be good bait: That involves looking good! We have to wear the right jeans, have a cool haircut, lose some weight >> to attract that girl or guy. o You see that advertised everywhere: magazines, TV, in the subway o What is the problem? It is an ACT o We are encouraged to be someone we are not in order to attract someone who is also pretending to be someone else o Is it any wonder that most relationships fall apart? o Of Is it any wonder that relationships collapse? - Step 2: FALL in love o Oh we see this in the movies all the time o The woman gets on the bus > her hand touches his hand. § Everything slows down § There is gentle music § Their eyes meet… and… he… smiles § Flower petals flutter around them § Love… is born o He doesn’t walk to work – he dances § He tells his friends: I AM IN LOVE § What is her name? > I don’t know § Where does she work? > I don’t know § What do you know? > I KNOW THIS IS TRUE LOVE > DESTINY o Ever seen this movie? § It is wonderful and magical > but it is not reality § AND it is not love > it is called attraction § [we will compare love & attraction in another lesson] - Step 3: FIX our hopes and dreams on that person o In other words, that person becomes the centre of our lives o The young man takes time off work so he can ride the bus all day to find this woman o The woman becomes obsessed with her hair, her face, her clothes o He finally finds out where she lives, breaks into her apartment and fills it with 1,000 red roses. o She visits him in prison everyday o Some of these things are sweet o Some are really stupid § It is silly to put all your hopes and dreams on a person > especially someone you don’t really know § And this is where people really hurt > We open our hearts [precious hearts] to people who are pretending to be someone else § Which brings us to Hollywood’s >> - Step 4: When the above FAILS, repeat steps 1-3 - And so people get caught in a terrible cycle. - They find the right person, fall in love, fix their hopes and dreams on that person, and then it fails - Well: “It didn’t work out” “That’s life” “Find someone else” “Try again.” - We are not machines. We don’t suffer through heartache and then just get up again o Some people manage to play the game – but they never find true love o Some people move on… but the pain they experienced affects their whole outlook on life. o Some people give up – too scared of getting hurt again Well that is Hollywood’s way… Do you want to discover God’s way? Remember how we said that everyone wanted love, but were looking for it in the wrong place? God is love. - He is the source of love - If you don’t know God – you will never know true love - Why do you think there is such an emphasis on the Hollywood model? > MONEY o They want you to buy these clothes o Try this diet o Use this shampoo o Even the movie stars have failed love lives - God really loves you - He doesn’t need money or anything from you - He just wants to protect you: His child - He wants to show you a better way Eph 5:1,2 can be called RELATIONSHIP VERSES of the BIBLE 1Be therefore imitators of God, as beloved children. 2Walk in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling fragrance. 1: Hollywood says FIND THE RIGHT PERSON God says BE THE RIGHT PERSON - Imitate God o Person of love o Be more interested in your heart – than your hair o Let God’s love and kindness fill your heart o Be the kind of person others like being around o BETTER be the kind of person YOU would like to marry! o This is not some kind of a mind-trick: § “Today I will be happy…” § Know God – his Love literally flows into you and you ARE happy § When this happens you won’t be worried: “Oh I have no boyfriend / girlfriend” because God will fulfill you § And at the right time he will bring the right person § Remember because you are more interested in the heart – you won’t be attracted to people who are only interested in the hair/clothes/external things § By becoming the kind of person God wants you to be, you will attract the kind of people you will want in your life o So BE the right person > imitate God o Be the kind of person you would like to marry. 2: Hollywood says FALL IN LOVE God says WALK IN LOVE > Well, what is love? The God says in the Bible this is love: 4Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, 5doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 6doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails. Many people don’t know what love is. - Love is a feeling - No. Love is an action > the result of love action is love feeling. - Consider patience: o If someone says: “I am patient” how will you know they are speaking the truth? o Actions speak - So love is not words or a feeling: love is action So Hollywood says FALL in love God says WALK in love > what does this mean? - It means: BE LIKE GOD: Give the other person what they need the most > when they deserve it the least. - That’s what God does o When we do wrong He doesn’t turn His back – His arms are always open - Imagine a relationship like that o Take myself for example > the perfect husband § When I am rude / impatient § I don’t feel good about myself § What do I need? § LOVE > I need my wife to love me anyway § Softens my heart § Brings us together o One of the greatest killers of relationships is SELFISHNESS § 2 people both trying to get as much as they can § You did this to me… so I will do that to you § Only ends up in pain o God’s way of WALKING in Love is so much better § Imagine 2 people both trying to take care of each others needs before their own § It sounds like heaven § This is marriage the way God intended it - Now I have lived in China a few years o Chinese are practical people o Some are saying: that sounds good, but is it practical? o YES o 1. Who WANTS heartache and their relationship to die? o 2. Most people don’t have bad relationships like this because they DON’T KNOW any other way o Ladies and Gentlemen: If your boyfriend / girlfriend really wants a long-term relationship with you, they WILL make the time to come to classes like this o We have to be taught – so that we can make this practical 4: Hollywood says FIX YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS ON THAT PERSON God says FIX YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS ON GOD - We said before how it is silly to place all your hopes and dreams on a person o People fail o Even our mothers – who love us unintentionally hurt us o So, why put your heart on the line for someone you don’t really know? - We need to trust God o Here is a question: § Who has found today’s lesson useful? § It is only useful because it is from God § > HE IS LOVE § > He INVENTED MARRIAGE § > He MADE US § We need to trust Him o That includes sex before marriage > God designed sex only for marriage. § Ladies, if a man loves you – he will wait § Do you work for a company – before you sign a contract? § Do you pay for an apartment – before you sign the contract? § Our bodies and hearts are worth a lot more than any job or money § Do not give your bodies to anyone – before they sign the contract. o God is not trying to spoil our fun – he is trying to protect us § Because He loves us. Lastly: WHEN failure occurs… repeat step 1-3 - This means that o if you are in a marriage, and you mess up – just keep loving o if you are dating, try to continue, if it does not work: § That’s OK § You will part genuine friends § That person may say: Dating him/her sure was different, but I have grown closer to God as a result. |
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